I have been working hard on myself since my mom died in January. Therapy has helped me a lot in addition to the caregiving classes, seminars and calls that the VA provides. I am finding myself again. I am in a much different place than I was the same time last year. I was plunging headlong into a burnt out breakdown that was not one of my proudest times but I can see how far I have come since then. Last year I felt like a unmoored boat in a storm on the ocean with a broken rudder. Last week I attended an in person class at the Dover VA and was surprised to get a warm hug from one of the nurses who works in the caregiver class. I have been participating on a weekly PTSD Caregiver call. The ladies seem genuinely glad when I join the call. I am the youngest in the call as most of the ladies have spouses who served in Vietnam. I have learned a lot from the moderator and the ladies who are on the call each week. It is helpful to hear each other’s stories and experiences and how to better navigate the issues that can arise from PTSD. Now I feel more empowered and able to handle the ups and downs of PTSD. With the love and support of family and friends I have been able to vent if things got too difficult.

With therapy I have discovered why I struggle to let go of material things. It has only taken me 55 years but I am glad to have a deeper insight and clarity. I am still taking things to goodwill and sold my first item on eBay. Sometimes I am angry that I had to pack up and sell my mother’s house on my own. My cousins helped me over three Saturdays. I have asked my sisters if they want anything but it has mostly been a no. That is fine and it frees me to offer things to others or to donate. I tried donating my mom’s big flat screen tv to goodwill but was promptly told we do not accept that. While I was driving home I got the idea to offer the tv to mom’s caregiver who was with me holding mom’s hand as she died. She was happy to accept the tv. I drove to the assisted living facility where mom was last and met the caregiver. She gave me the biggest and warmest hug I have received in a long time. She thanked me quite a few times. We chatted for a while then she had to get back to work. I was going to go inside to visit with some of the other workers but found myself surprisingly in tears and decided to drive home. My tears shocked me but I let them come and made a decision to return at the end of the month to visit with the three employees who took such good care of Mumsie and me.

I was interviewed last week by a New York Times reporter on some of the issues people can have with assisted living. It was an interesting experience and the reporter sent me a copy of the column prior to publishing it tomorrow. I was pleased with my part in the article.

I have been working harder on my commitment to walking and moving. I really want to ride a horse again. Most places have a weight limit for the riders. My knees have been thanking me for moving more. I am slowly taking the weight off one pound at a time. I have given up sodas and moved to tea and water. I have also been trying to use more in our CSA box each week. I do give the squash to our chickens but otherwise I have been enjoying tomatoes, corn on the cob, strawberries and blueberries. If the veggies start decaying before we can use them I feed them to the chickens. Speaking of chickens we lost one recently to a fox who was not afraid of Michael or myself. We have reinforced the coop area and lock the chickens up every night. The foxes have a family but we have plenty of rabbits and mice they can eat without needing our chickens.

My tomato plants are already giving me ripe tomatoes. I am surprised as I thought it would take longer and we had three nights of frost not long after I planted them. And it was after the usual last day of frost in the spring. My peppers are a little slower but they are coming along. The wildflowers from seeds at my mom’s memorial service are sprouting well. We have bee balm and black eyed Susan’s coming up as well as a hibiscus bush. I am hoping to plant some more flowers in pots for the front porch.

I had an adventure with cooking tonight. I purchased some maple syrup smoked with pecans. Michael was grossed out by the flavor on waffles. Tonight I cooked chicken on the stove and added a cup of the smoked maple syrup. It quickly boiled down and thickened. It also lost some of the intense smoke flavor. I added rice to cook in the syrup and water. I really liked it much to my surprise.

I am hoping to catch a rocket launch from Wallops this week. However, it is a rocket launched by the department of defense so it is not given any official launch time and Wallops is not open during the launch. So look up if you live in Maryland, Delaware or Virginia along the Atlantic, you may spot it.

Namaste 🙏