Nature and Pandemic Thoughts

Storm clouds looming over us
A carpenter bee that was checking me out while I was photographing the dark clouds.

Michael and I ride our golf cart around our property each day. I love watching the wildlife, plants and trees evolve every season. I always find something new-Mosses, sassafras’s trees growing new leaves and all the different oak trees we have. I enjoy finding the trees pileated woodpeckers use. I think we got close to their nest today though I could not find it but the one woodpecker sure did holler. We have a healthy amount of three different ferns as well.

Today while Michael napped I filled our bird feeders and cut oranges in half hoping to draw in an oriole. I also filled our bird baths. I love watching the birds who visit us. It helps ground me and make me feel connected and finally that things will be ok.

Life get so busy and complicated that it can be hard to find peace though I am working on it. I give myself reiki every day and try to read each day. I used to read voraciously but over the past few years I struggle to read even one book. I have been sharing my books with my mom. Now she reads a lot! Tomorrow when I visit we are going to organize her books.

It has been challenging to remember that I am worth time for myself, peace and doing things that make me happy. I now understand why caretakers need to care for themselves too. It is so easy to get caught up in sacrificing and giving all of your time to others. I realized twice last week for short periods of time maybe fifteen minutes I was happy and at one with the universe. It seems like it has been a while when I felt true happiness. I get glimpses but it seems elusive.

I feel funny writing about struggles associated with the pandemic as everyone went through it. But I find that I was at least able to determine what is important to me and what is time stealers. My mom being hospitalized twice just before and during the pandemic as well as moving her to assisted living was a huge challenge. There were many days and nights I felt alone in trying to make all the correct decisions. The paperwork has been massive, as well as clearing out her home. She moved to her home with my stepdad about two and half years ago. My stepdad died four months after they moved. They were still in the process of unpacking as well as finally melding two homes together. They had two homes in two different states. My stepdad’s stuff was in one state and my mom’s in the other. Thankfully my first cousins from both sides of my family helped me with clearing the house. I never could have done it without them. It has been emotionally and mentally draining. Plus the pandemic strained my marriage for a while in the midst of the pandemic. Things are much better now but everything has made my soul weary.

I am feeling liberated downsizing my things and actually look forward to it now. I am getting rid of lots of books that I always intended to read but realize now that my tastes have changed-same with artwork I have acquired. My tastes are changing.

During the pandemic I dug out my colored pencils and have them ready to start creating and coloring. I also took a leap and ordered a watercolor paint by numbers off of Etsy. I wanted to try something new. Did you discover anything new about yourself during the pandemic? I found how much I truly enjoy cooking.

Have a great Wednesday tomorrow.