The last eighteen months have been some of the most difficult of my life. I became a caregiver for my mom, had two heart procedures-with a third possible one in the fall, my mom was hospitalized for two weeks and then lived with us for two months, the Covid-19 virus arrived, I lost all my pet sitting jobs for the year due to the virus and the usual challenges of everyday life.
I feel as though I have lost myself and am looking to find a spark again. I started reading books again after a long absence. Most people will find it a puzzle as I have eighteen bookcases filled with books. But giving myself permission to stop and read has been hard. I finished two books in the past week. Mind you they were light reading but I realized how much I missed it.
Living with a partner with PTSD can be a roller coaster. Some days are quiet, peaceful and happy while others are filled with anger, tears and resentment. My husband and I bring out the best and worst in each other.
Navigating the virus has been both difficult but at times not bad. We live on fourteen acres so we have plenty of room to move about and enjoy nature. My husband who only recently became more social with the gym and martial arts has found it hard to be isolated this time without a choice. Prior to meeting me he isolated himself for seven years. I have found time to do projects I have been wanting to do for the past few years.
I get overwhelmed and sometimes wonder how I get up in the morning and put one foot in front of the other.
I find it hard to write about this as some people see my life as an easy one but then I remember you never know what is going on in someone’s life until you walked a mile in their shoes. I had thought my retirement would look much different than it actually is and once I accept that I think some of my happiness will return.