I was the center of attention this morning which is not a place I am comfortable. Mike and I went looking for engagement rings something he was very insistent on giving me. He is very different from any man I dated before. We arrived at the jeweler before they were very busy so we had lots of personal attention. We looked at many rings and I wanted Mike to be part of the decision on the ring besides the cost. I wanted him to like it as much as I did. The women at the store asked if I cooked a big breakfast for Mike prior to shopping and they seemed shocked he cooked breakfast. We looked at a number of rings and at a couple of stores but ended up back at the first store. As Mike was paying for the ring he remarked he thought he was more excited for the ring than me. I realized with some dismay I had shut down as a defense mechanism to the attention. I loved the ring and love Mike very much. As we drove home I explained why I shut down and he understood completely. I hope I handle our wedding day better. Sometimes I wonder if I am fearful of showing excitement over my happiness after suffering with bipolar depression and poor relationships in my past. Mike always says how good I am for him but I really think I got the better end of the deal. He brings out much in me and allows me to be me without judgement.