I am struggling with my body image when riding. I don’t often think about my weight or how others see me but for some reason when I see myself on a horse I get to feeling mortified and embarrassed by my weight. I have never been a thin person. I am fully supported with my pursuit of riding by Mike, by my riding instructor and by the owner of the horse. It takes me a while to feel comfortable enough to watch the video Mike records of my lessons.
My instructor tells me my position is very good though I have a tendency to drop my left hand in my lap. I exercise and for the most part watch what I eat. My weight gain started with the side effect of medication. Now I am struggling to lose weight.
I have always loved riding and being around horses and farms. I feel at home there. Accepted.
I thought back to Maria’s belly dance blog posts and her subsequent love my belly pot holders. I found I do not love my belly or most of my body and must do more work on my acceptance of myself. I found I don’t feel worthy in spite of my confidence and self assuredness.
I am most definitely a work in progress and hope to view myself differently this time next year.