This morning Mike made his morning declaration he makes every day “it’s going to be a good day”. Lately that has been an elusive thing-a good day. PTSD has been rearing its head with more frequency as therapy has been progressing. Thursday and Friday were particularly stressful with Mike obsessing over certain incidents and issues. Sometimes I can help Mike move his focus onwards but Friday melted down into me yelling at him and crying in frustration for him to hear what I was trying to say. Needless to say yelling didn’t help much. He quieted for a while but only because my yelling caused both of us to put up a wall which lasted most of the day and into the night.
So this morning when I rolled out of bed to get ready for the farm I found Mike already dressed and waiting in the living room for me. We put the dog in her kennel and headed for the car. As we drove down the drive Mike made his declaration about a good day. As we drove we enjoyed the sunrise and the way it played over the clouds. At the farm Mike takes extra time to make sure the elderly ewes get their fair share of corn and hay. He stands like a linebacker with the bucket of grain wedged between his legs while he fends off any ewe who is not elderly as the rest of the flock gets fed in bins on the ground. After the sheep were cared for we headed up to the horses and chickens. Mike fed the chickens while I filled water troughs. We watered the greenhouse last and decided to head to Best Buy to pick up an item we ordered. After a jaunt at Best Buy and Michaels craft store (Mike bought me a journal and a cool coloring book) we headed to the bank. After the bank we stopped a bagel place I’ve been wanting to check out. It was amazing! A wide variety of bagels and a great family place. It was the first place we have ever gone to that Mike said I want to come back here I really like it and feel good when here. That is a rare thing as sometimes Mike feels vulnerable when out in public. We drove home through Amish country and enjoyed quiet time until the afternoon chores at the farm.
I was heartened by Mike’s mood and smiles today. It has been a rough few weeks with many ups and downs and at this point a few more downs than up but we are turning it around. One thing I take away from living with someone with PTSD is that it forces me to practice mindfulness and embracing every moment. I loved capturing the light today and Mike’s quiet moment with Captain.