One thing I had not anticipated with PTSD is how alone I sometimes feel. I find it hard to share how I feel with friends. Perhaps I have not given my friends the opportunity to support me. I’m not sure. I don’t always share as I don’t wish to burden them or come off as a cranky bitch. Most days with Michael are wonderful-happy, laughs, smiles, rainbows and farting unicorns but then without much warning something can trigger him to either withdraw into himself, lash out in anger or just be a nasty sob. Most of the time I know the anger and frustration has nothing to do with me but it can be hard to not take it personally. Sometimes I walk away in silence and leave him be and others I start yelling or even screaming back at him. Later on he always apologizes and together we can trace back to his point of anger or frustration.
I am there for my friends with their health issues and life issues but I feel bad sharing my issues with them. I know how to be a supportive friend but am unsure how to ask for help and support when I need it.
Thing I take for granted in my every day life become complex with PTSD- going out to eat or shop, sitting outside watching the world go by, fireworks, being in crowds, walking along the beach.
Michael and I head out on vacation in a week or so. I am thankful he is comfortable with where we are heading. We will be at Jon and Maria’s Open House on Sunday as it is usually a quieter day. We love the little motel in Cambridge. Last year we explored graveyards and cemeteries in the area as well as a covered bridge. It was a little slice of heaven for me. We are visiting my nephew and his family. We will be in Maine for almost a week. We love it there and it is a place Michael is able to relax and just be. I have been going to Ogunquit Maine since I was ten. It feels like a second home to me.
I chose the bird photos as they represent a freedom of the soul to me. The first photo is a bald eagle flying over our home yesterday. The next three are cattle egrets taking off after hanging out with the sheep.