Tension and Change

Cool Sundog

I am stressed and tired today. Sometimes life seems to pile up behind you and you have no choice but to keep going. I am exhausted and need to find a way to relax a little more. I fully embrace being in the moment but today I found myself filled with apprehension over the future. Tomorrow Michael and I have a two hour phone call with the VA. We are also having propane delivered but there is nothing to that. I am still visiting my mom every day as I have been since the last week of August. I drive fifty minutes one way to visit for thirty minutes. I have only missed about five days of not visiting. My mom enjoys the visits and looks forward to them. We sometimes chat the whole time and other times there are long pauses and silence but still being present. I feel like each day with my mom is a gift as her memory is getting a bit fuzzy.

I think I have a mild depression going on as I feel tired all of the time and don’t feel like doing much but watching tv or reading. With the virus hanging over everyone’s heads and with the discord in the nation it can all be too much. Sometimes I wonder when I will open my eyes and realize it is all a dream but alas it is not.

I have much to be grateful for and am luckier than most but today it has been hard to slap on the happy face and the positive attitude. Life is funny and how you thought things may be are not and you just have to roll with it, adapt and change. Life is all about change. My mom and I discuss this a lot. I never thought I would have heart issues and asthma but thankfully I am able to have it controlled with medicine. My mom never thought she would be in assisted living. I am happy and relieved she received her Covid-19 vaccine today with a second shot in a few weeks.

I am grateful and thankful to everyone who visits my blog, takes time to like or comment on a post. It makes me feel quite blessed.

9 thoughts on “Tension and Change

  1. Oh Becca. I feel the same way. I wish I was waking up from a bad dream. Today, I got out in nature and used my new camera. That helped. It was a good escape. I am reading a lot too which is good. One day at a time. I can’t even think about the future. It is too overwhelming. Hang in there. Love your photos and writing!

  2. Hi,

    I am amazed at your energy and you are a very devoted daughter!!! I am sure your mother realizes how blessed she is to have you and Michael in her life. I feel you extend yourself and are feeling the effects of the long drive, stress of the country and overall situation regarding mom and her diagnosis. It is not unusual that the caretaker can become ill and sometimes be in an urgent health crisis.

    Please if you can limit the visits, not daily if possible, ( I know that is hard) and plan time for you ! I love your blog and you are a blessed artist. In many situations, and I know, guilt is the factor and feeling love, but realizing the loneliness of the senior population adds to the discomfort.

    I hope I did not speak out of turn, but try and limit the stresses the are all part of our lives. God knows I try, not always successful.

    Be well and good health to you, Michael, and mother. Good luck at the VA.



    • Thank you for your kind words. I have started to cut back a little on my visits with my mom.
      The VA is always a trying time but it must be endured as they have much to do with our lives as my husband is a veteran. One thing is it has taught me much patience. 😃

  3. Dear Becca, You are not alone in feeling overwhelmed. This is an extremely challenging time for all of us. I am trying to get adequate sleep, eat well, exercise regularly and remind myself of my blessings, too. Still, some days can be difficult. As Winston Churchill said, “When in hell, keep walking.” So true! Take care of yourself, my friend.

  4. Hi Becca, just want you to know I am thinking of you. There IS a lot going on right now and sometimes it becomes too much. You are so good at knowing and understanding yourself. Maybe on a day that you only feel like reading or watching TV that is what you should do. Also, if you would like me or Tyde to take one of your visitation slots with your mom, we would be glad to do this. One of us needs to be with my mom as she broke her left arm on 11/18 and needs someone with her. All you need to do is ask! Best to you and Michael. Vicki

  5. I really enjoy your photos. Your posts also always resonate with me. I want to be more energetic and get more done on my to do list but TV sucks me in or frivolous and/or fun activities like making a soudough starter, baking, journaling, reading, talking to neighbors, walking dogs, or visiting my parents weekly. Since I am not working it’s easy to be distracted and unfocused. I miss working but also feel blessed with my life.

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