Horseshoe Crab shell in Delaware Bay Slaughter Beach
Blue at sunset

It’s official I am depressed. I have battled it for forty years. Some times I lose the battle and depression consumes me. Other times I am able to keep it at bay. I have tried allowing myself a day to feel depressed to see if the feeling will pass. However today after breaking down over three hours of phone calls with doctors, car rental and insurance I realized I had reached my limit.

I realized I have been neglecting self care and am always doing for others. I forgot myself along the way. I feel like a shell of myself and I hate it. I am starting small. Working on doing one thing for myself each day-read, go for a walk or stop the car to take photos. I got so caught up dealing with my mom and her dementia, selling her house and dealing with or without family’s help. Plus I am caregiving for my husband. I am finally catching up with health care for myself. I want to laugh and fell good. I am tired of feeling underwater. My sleep and dreams have become my escape.

I have been reorganizing my book collection and feel inspired to read again. I want to write and draw.

I am hopeful I can kick this by spring!

7 thoughts on “Depression

  1. Hi Becca – At least you recognize the problem. I surely hope that your step-by-step approach to caring for yourself will be helpful – sounds like it will. We are rooting for you, so to speak.
    I love these horse photos! Thank you for keeping up with your posting, despite all. Your words, your interests and photos are an inspiration.

  2. Take care of yourself dear one! I have followed your post throughout the years and you are a lovely spirit. These past years have been so hard on all of us, each with our own and sometimes unthinkable personal wounds. It’s not being selfish, it’s saying you matter too. I once went out and bought myself a gift for not being perfect; it was an act of self love. So, I am wishing you the best sweet lady.

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