It’s official I am depressed. I have battled it for forty years. Some times I lose the battle and depression consumes me. Other times I am able to keep it at bay. I have tried allowing myself a day to feel depressed to see if the feeling will pass. However today after breaking down over three hours of phone calls with doctors, car rental and insurance I realized I had reached my limit.
I realized I have been neglecting self care and am always doing for others. I forgot myself along the way. I feel like a shell of myself and I hate it. I am starting small. Working on doing one thing for myself each day-read, go for a walk or stop the car to take photos. I got so caught up dealing with my mom and her dementia, selling her house and dealing with or without family’s help. Plus I am caregiving for my husband. I am finally catching up with health care for myself. I want to laugh and fell good. I am tired of feeling underwater. My sleep and dreams have become my escape.
I have been reorganizing my book collection and feel inspired to read again. I want to write and draw.
I am hopeful I can kick this by spring!