A Snow Day & Realizations

Cardinals outside the bedroom window
The corner of the field after the snow

The governor of Delaware placed a restriction on driving during the snowstorm that hit Friday through Saturday afternoon. It was welcome news to me. No driving on the roads from 10pm Friday through 8am this morning. Our boss took care of the animals for us this weekend and I took two days off from visiting my mom. We will visit tomorrow.

I have been enjoying watching the birds at the feeders. We have had lots of cardinals, titmice, juncos, blue jays, flickers and sparrows. Thankfully the hoards of starlings did not appear until later yesterday and left after a few hours.

I captured the first photo yesterday afternoon before the sun came back out after the storm. The temps are quite frigid and thankfully the wind stopped blowing. I shoveled our front steps and side porch while Michael cleaned off the car and got the golf cart running again after the battery had died. I am thinking a snowplow for the front of the golf cart may be good to look into.

Michael and I have settled into a new phase of normal for our relationship. We are moving forward with the divorce but will continue to support each other. I was not sure how I would feel about it and it is only week one but I do feel relief and a sense of peace that was so elusive over the past couple of years. I started therapy last week and it went well though I felt a little odd doing the session over Telehealth. I was asked what I like to do and of course I said reading. Surprisingly I have not read much in the past five years but I started reading a book this week. I am enjoying the book after having a rotten start with two other books that were quite frankly poorly written. I was disappointed as I was looking forward to the books. However, as I am trying to clear clutter and downsize I decided I did not need to read books I don’t like and am donating them. My mom always said life is too short to read bad books.

I am finally feeling more at home with myself and my life as I have felt a shell of myself for quite a while. In caregiving for my mom and Michael I found I had lost who I am. I gave up a lot of what I enjoyed and time for myself. I have set boundaries for myself and I hate that terminology but it fits as much as I hate saying it. It’s funny growing up and well into my adult life I loved reading and getting lost in books but found I stopped reading but continued to buy books to read sometime. Well sometime is not always available. As always I love photography. I get lost in thought looking at the world to photograph.

I realized the other thing about myself that I always ignore is that I live my life in a mindset of anxiousness and fear. I am anxious about the basics in life-food, water, shelter, etc in spite of not having to worry about that in years. Funny I follow and listen to Buddhist monks who speak of mindfulness and I try hard to live mindfully but then I step back and realize fear is ever present. That is something to work on for myself.

Lots to work on for myself. A day at a time. Peace and love to you.

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