I have been telling myself and Mike that I would finish unpacking and downsizing for about eight months now. Mike has never complained or griped that I have boxes filled with things in two rooms. For the past year I have been struggling with an hectic work schedule, almost constant fatigue and stress. I always had big plans of getting things done in a day or weekend but I am horrible at figuring out how long things should take to complete. To my credit and Mike’s also all three bathrooms, the kitchen, dining room, living room and our bedroom is unpacked and tidy. The two rooms I need to finish is a second bedroom and Mike’s office. The second bedroom will be a creative place for me. Mike as I have said never complains or pushes me to get the rest of the boxes done. He tells me to take my time.
I realized tonight as I drove home from ups that a part of myself and soul is waiting for things to get difficult with our relationship. I was mortified I felt that way as Mike and I get along great, rarely fight or argue and sincerely enjoy each other’s company. We don’t complete each other as we were already complete but we instead complement each other. Mike gives me strength and unconditional love something I never had with anyone else. Others instead brought out the side of me that felt the need to fight to be heard and a feeling of inadequacy. Mike makes me feel loved and at times I don’t feel worthy of his love but he has been making me realize I am worthy and I return his love. Both of us have come so very far in over a year. Some day I will write more on it. But needless to say there is a sense of peace and comfort we have with each other.
Tonight I told Mike my underlying fear and what I thought was preventing me finishing unpacking. He was shocked and told me again how he felt. Mike has been wonderful in telling me that his home is now our home. I started tonight after Mike went to sleep to start to slowly unpack. I sometimes hold onto things out of fear but I finally think I am ready to really downsize and enjoy what I decide to keep. I am still amazed by the depth of Mike’s love for me and feel grateful to have him by my side.
When I moved into Mike’s home he was living like a monk very minimalist. I have a need to have some things about me. Sometimes I have too much and my style is like a crowded English cottage but I’m trying hard to meld Mike and my things and lifestyles together. I will let you know how it goes.
2 thoughts on “Facing the Unkown & Feeling Worthy”
Thank you for writing so openly of your feelings. So often you hit on something I am feeling too. Wishing you and Mike every happiness