Ten Years Ago & Now

The past day and a half have been good days. Yesterday morning Michael and I had words over an issue he has been exploring for months. I of course jumped to conclusions failed to listen to what exactly Mike was saying and only heard what I wanted to hear which of course resulted in me not hearing. I have strong opinions and ideas and after living on my own for over twenty years I sometimes struggle a little with communication in relationships and friendships. Thankfully Michael is a forgiving soul and knows to talk to me hours later about any disagreements. People always speak about how wonderful and amazing being in a relationship is and how it will bring peace and security which for me it does but I still struggle with having to discuss decisions with Mike and get frightened over big decisions. It has been my experience and observation than most relationships I have observed that have not endured started down the road with stopping communication. It is so easy to be high and mighty and always right but there is a big price to pay when being right leads into no talking and the silent treatment to finding fault in everything. Michael and I both agree we find it exhausting to be around those who always complain and can not see the good in anything. But I digress. After our misunderstanding we headed out to an appointment which turned out very well. 

For the first time in weeks Michael was able to sleep for longer than four hours last night. It definitely helps getting a good night sleep. We had to run to Greensboro to get some prescriptions and the pharmacy is right across the street from our favorite restaurant Tenchi’s which is Spanish American cuisine. We have been about four times in three weeks. We go at lunch when it is less crowded and Michael feels comfortable here with no anxiety. When we walked in today we sat near the front window. One of the waitresses asked if she could take our photo as we are regulars now. We were surprised but agreed. She thanked us for being a regular. I want to thank them for having a family owned restaurant that my husband feels almost at home in. It is a big deal to me that many don’t always understand. With PTSD hyper vilgalance and awareness can cause stress, anxiety and other issues. It is the best feeling going in Tenchi’s and knowing Mike feels secure, loves the food and engages others in conversation. 

While we were getting ready to pay for our meal a woman stopped me and said with complete recognition hey how are you? It took me about three seconds to place her face. She was my upstairs neighbor at an apartment building I lived at ten years ago that burned to the ground. Seeing her I was surprised to find my mind go back to the burnt out hull of a building. My apartment only sustained water damage so I was able to move on quickly. Sadly she lost just about everything. I enjoyed living at the apartment it was waterfront and quiet. However, I see now the fire actually set me on a course to many years later meet up with Michael. Funny how things you think at the time are the worst you can sometimes find the silver lining to them. After the fire I moved back to Easton where I lived for the next six years in two different places, has a breakdown, decided to make major life changes and was brave to get back to dating through an online dating site. When I look back over it now it is hard to believe ten years has passed. 

Had you asked me ten years ago what my life would look like now… I highly doubt I would have said I’d be married and living in Delaware. Interesting where life can take you if you let it. 

I enclosed a photo a tree that was the closest colors I could get to resemble a fire and the bottom photo is a calender of how I always wanted my life to be and now I am living that. 

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