I started my vacation this past Friday. I’ve been looking forward to it for a while. Mike and I went to the beach Friday and had a great time. Saturday and Sunday were quiet and peaceful with farm time in the mornings and late afternoon. Mike and I talked about lots of things from what our future may look like, what we want to do with our time and money. We are both working at practicing mindfulness and living in the moment. I, however, have been struggling with that as worry has been keeping me up the last two nights. 

Today I woke up in a foul dark mood and just wanted to scream and punch something. I took Meadow to the kennel as Mike and I are going on day trips the next couple of days. Mike stayed home to wait for the HVAC man seeing how our AC crapped out in the 92 degree heat Friday and Saturday. Thankfully it turned out to be low freon. I asked how that could happen when we pay the HVAC people to service the system twice a year. They could not give me an answer and thankfully we did not incur a bill as a result of the contract we had with the company. 

I find by day three or four of vacation I get pissy. I think it has to do with growing up in Puritan New England. Idle hands are the devils playground. It smacks right in the face of my pursuit to be unbusy and have free time. I fight what I think my vacation should be rather than just letting it happen. Today many errands had to be accomplished to head out of town tomorrow to visit a friend of my mom’s who is taking us on a tour of a major Maryland thoroughbred breeding and racing farm. I am excited. Wednesday Mom, Michael and myself are visiting my aunt outside of Hartford county Maryland. Thursday I am getting the last repair done on my ten year old 290000 mile Ford Focus prior to turning over to Mike. We are looking at a new car for me probably another focus.

I think part of my problem is I envision my vacation as being a peaceful, enlightening and enriching retreat from life but life gets in the way of my visions. I need to readjust my thinking and just be.

On the plus side I have had requests to practice my reiki on people and pets. I am looking into teaching a class to people to give reiki to their pets. I firmly believe reiki will be my calling and honestly should use it on myself to relax and gain the acceptance of life that I need right now. 

Expectations versus reality is often the source of my stress. I need to work on that.