Lambs, lambs and more lambs! I will be glad when the last ones are born this year. My boss makes it look so easy but at this time of year caring for the sheep exhausts me. I doubt myself when lambing comes, worried I’ll do something wrong or miss something. So far I’ve done well with help from my bosses and my friend Jenn. I had to call my boss Saturday night as a ewe was showing signs of birthing soon. This ewe usually gives birth to triplets and my boss said to call her if I thought she was lambing. I corralled the ewe into a lambing stall, called my boss and then set about feeding the rest of the herd, then cared for the chickens and horses. When I got back to the sheep barn my boss had arrived. While we waited for the ewe to give birth we chatted and she was again teaching me about ewe and lamb care. She caught and held a ewe who doesn’t like to let her lamb nurse. She caught the ewe very quietly and stealthy like a sheep herding dog. I found it fascinating watching her move  among the herd and just by shifting her weight from leg to leg corner the ewe without a fuss. I had to leave to care for some dogs at another job. My boss called me later to tell me the ewe gave birth to triplets but only two survived. 

I have found myself in a place at the moment like an etch a sketch being wiped clean. Two months ago I had it all and so effortlessly it seemed. I know life is constantly changing but I’m struggling to adjust to changes at my nighttime job, the demands of some of my pet and house sitting jobs and my relationships. People have a picture of pet and house sitting as being an easy, money mashing vehture where I sit and eat bon bons while watching pets. I stay at some amazing homes and properties but it comes with responsibilities especially after this past winter. One home had pipes break, another had a furnace die, I had to shovel my way to many places and spun my car twice for the first time in years this winter. Some pets are not thrilled with the fact I stay as it means their owners are gone. Some animals love to see me. Some pets get up far earlier than I’m used to and I go to bed later than they are accustomed to. Sometimes they refuse to eat or destroy things that they normally leave alone. On the flip side owners are always relieved when they see their pets reactions to me. Some get so excited to see me and some know the sound of my car and come running to the door. I care for every pet and home as if they were my own. I love my pet sitting but sometimes I wonder why I’m working seven days a week, why people get upset when I take a week off. One week off out of fifty two isn’t bad. Sometimes I wish I could sleep in, not have to work seventeen hour days and not have to be on the road in all weather but I know I cannot do a nine to five job. That would be the death of me.

On the personal front I find silence difficult to handle. My ex husband would give me the silent treatment or hang up the phone if we argued. We were together for three years and married for forty eight days when he came home saying I don’t love you I never loved you get out. The home was in his name. One of my sisters who I was close to for years has gone silent for the past two years. She used to text and talk but now it is much less frequent, another sister has not spoken to the family in years. Now I’m struggling with NYC ‘s silence. He had told me on our last conversation how happy I make him, how he missed talking to me and is looking forward to a visit but I have not heard from him in a week. It is killing me. I’ve called and texted. I’m still hoping to hear from him. I’m hoping he is ok and wasn’t mugged, hurt or sick.  I miss him a lot. Maybe his phone dropped into the Hudson River. Sometimes I just think relationships aren’t meant for me. I wish too that just once that someone would ask me if I’m ok. I always listen to everyone’s issues and problems and I think people forget I need someone to talk to  also.  Everyone gets used to me calling, texting and listening that when I don’t no one thinks to check on me. 

I’m hoping spring brings me some peace and happiness. I am loving the osprey arriving and want to ask them what their winter home is like. I love the lambs and spring peepers. And the night sky has been amazing. I can’t wait for warmer weather.